Prayer For A Miracle Saga
by mysterrious
Summary: House dies mysteriously and in the afterlife must figure out a way to help his 'team' decipher the cause before they suffer the same fate. But does he want Cameron to live or to be with him for eternity instead?
1. Chapter 1

**P****RAYER FOR A MIRACLE PART 1 House Goes Home**

Cameron looked down into the azure blue of the ocean beneath her. She remained as still as the rock on which she stood, overlooking the waters off Oahu. She was at Kaena Point, a place that the natives called The Jumping Off Place because they believed that this is where lost souls departed the island from. Fitting, she thought to herself. But as tempted as she was to throw herself into the blue abyss something held her back. She lifted her gaze to the blue of the sky and suddenly knew what it was. All this blue, she thought to herself his eyes, his eyes were all around her. She knew instinctively that he wouldn't want her to do this. Her knees buckled under her until she couldn't stand anymore. She was overwhelmed with grief and longing. Of course her legs would give out on her, she thought to herself. Or was it something more?

**_Gregory_**

He heard the whisper in his ear.

**_W__ake up Gregory, wake up now_**

The voice was commanding yet soothing. He opened his eyes and took in his surroundings. All around him was the color white. As white as the lab coat that he had always refused to wear. But he wasn't in a room. And he wasn't outdoors either. He was nowhere.

**_O__h you are somewhere Greg. No one is never nowhere_.**

"Oh now we're buddies so you're calling me Greg?" he said out loud.

"What kind of crap is this?" he thought to himself. For once he was almost at a loss for words. Almost.

First of all I don't like white and secondly I don't like playing hide and seek. Unless of course you are some gorgeous blonde getting ready to ravage me.

"Come out come out wherever you are" House spun around, "You aren't playing fair."

He stopped dead in his tracks. Two thoughts emerged nearly simultaneously; one was the fact that if he could stop that meant that he had been going which also meant that he had been walking and two, the dead part was more accurate than how he initially meant it. How many times did he tell patients and his own staff that there is nothing on the other side of death. The thought hit him so hard that if he had been breathing it would have taken his breath away. He sat down (on what he wasn't sure) and ran his hands over his body. Yep, everything was intact, he was still him right down to the stubble on his face. He brought back the last memory he had. His crew was standing over him. He looked up at Cameron. She was crying. She held his hand and stroked his cheek and he had wished to hell that he could have felt it. They still hadn't figured out what was wrong with him and he was totally helpless to lead them on the hunt. He couldn't move, couldn't speak, could barely even blink and then finally he couldn't breathe. He saw Cameron place her hand on his chest feeling each labored breath he took. He knew that there was nothing left for them to do except watch his suffering. He wasn't angry at them, he knew they had done everything they could do. He was beyond hope now. All encompassing panic took hold but he was unable to convey it except through his eyes. Cameron saw it, so did the rest as they stood helplessly by. His lungs, stiff and unmoving were not able to be filled by even artifical means. "No" he heard Cam sob as she returned his desperate gaze. His body was on fire with the pain of death. They watched his chest become still and the EKG machine flatline. And finally his blue eyes closed forever.

_**W****e are sorry you had to suffer like that Greg. Let the memory go, you are home now.**_

"Home?" he muttered, "pardon me but this doesn't look anything like my home."

**_Here, will this make you feel better?_**

At his feet was his cane. House almost laughed at the irony of it. He reached down and picked it up, felt it's familiar weight in his hands and somehow it DID bring him comfort. He smiled.

"Thank you" he found himself saying as he used it to lift himself to his feet.

He felt remarkably well. So well in fact that he began to feel a touch of anger at not having felt this way in life.

"So a person has to die to feel alive?" he muttered to himself shaking his head in the process. "Where am I anyway?" the thought was immediately met with a response.

**_You are were you always expected to be. This is your idea of the afterlife Greg. It is what you always expected to find._**

"But there is nothing here!" he yelled out to his invisible companions.

**_Exactly_**

The realization hit him hard. He understood what they meant. He didn"t believe in an afterlife so consequently there was no pearly gates, no tunnel of light, no anything. Essentially he got exactly what he wanted.

**CONTINUED...**


	2. Chapter 2

**PRAYER FOR A MIRACLE PART 2 The Reminiscing**

Cameron couldn't forget the moment she knew that something was wrong with him. She had been sitting at the table with the rest of the team and concentrating hard on the test results in front of her. The case seemed to be a very complex one which was something that she was, of course, used to. There was nothing that seemed different in House's voice except maybe a tad more urgency than usual. He was writing on the board all the symptoms while he spoke.

"A forty something year old male with what seems to be a neuromuscular degeneration. The patient presented with weakness in both legs which has since progressed to his hands and arms. No familiar history that would indicate a genetic mutation….." he trailed off, deep in thought, his right hand clasping the marker stopped in mid air. He continued,

"Fever this morning of 99.6, headache, one instance of vomiting. Nothing too dramatic I know. Idea's?"

His voice commanded attention and they all looked up.

"And no one better utter the word Lupus!" he said, rolling his eyes at the thought.

"Duchenes Muscular Dystrophy sounds plausible." Foreman said, "although his sed rate isn't too high."

"Could be a simple black widow spider bite" Chase added.

"No to both" he said to them.

House turned back to the board and seemed to stare into space. Cameron studied him. His right hand was trembling slightly as he wrote more symptoms on the board.

"Malaise, stiff neck…" he trailed off yet again, rubbing his right hand with his left.

Cameron watched the marker he was holding drop to the floor. She stole a glance over at Dr. Wilson who just happened to walk into the room at that moment.

"House…" he said, "can I have a moment?"

"Can't it wait we are actually working here. Don't you have someone sick to bother instead?" he didn't even look at him as he spoke.

"This is really important House besides," Wilson looked around the table "you have tormented these poor souls enough for now."

House sighed and placed the now recovered marker back on the desk.

"OK but let's make this quick. Dying people you know."

House walked toward Wilson. As much as he tried to hide it from them he couldn't disguise the fact that each step was causing him pain. He seemed to shuffle a bit, at least she thought he did. It was always hard to tell with him. Did he have a bit too much to drink last night? Did he run out of Vicodin? Maybe he didn't get enough sleep last night? These thoughts rumbled through her woman's heart even as her doctor's training was telling her different. She rose from her chair and peered out the door just in time to see him stumble and nearly fall. Only a sudden move on Wilson's part kept him upright. Cameron turned back toward Foreman and Chase who were lost in their notes.

"So what room is this patient in anyway?" Chase asked. Cameron whispered under her breath, 'he was in this one.'

House sat in the chair in Wilson's office with his shirt off.

"Your lungs don't sound too good House and your pressures up" he said as he took off his stethoscope, "I'm ordering a chest x-ray, a ct scan stat and…"

House cut him off sharply, "I know damn well what I need and don't need and what I don't need right now is a bunch of useless tests."

Wilson stood back and let him rant. He knew better than to interrupt him when he went off like this. But there was an element of fear in his voice that he never heard before.

"House you know you can't keep this hidden from your team or Cuddy for that matter forever. You are going to have to take a bit of a proactive role in figuring out what the hell is going on with your health."

"Which is why I have my team working on the problem even as we speak."

House seemed to soften a bit as he started to put his shirt back on.

"and if you hadn't interrupted us we might have actually made some progress by now."

House began to stand up to leave but found his legs didn't want to cooperate. He fell back into the chair.

"Ok that's it I am admitting you as a patient," Wilson was adamant, "you can barely walk House and you can't hide it anymore."

House tried again to stand and found his balance. He looked at him and Wilson knew that his stubborn friend wasn't ready to admit defeat just yet.

"Send the bill to Chase, he just got a raise" he said as he limped out of the room.

One thing House missed the most was riding his motorcycle. He knew it wouldn't be a good thing to do and yet one little part of him really didn't give a damn. He didn't care if he hurt himself he just didn't want to risk hurting anyone else. He let himself into his apartment and grabbed for a double dose of Vicodin. He found he needed more and more of it now that his body was betraying him at every turn. And he was dead tired all the time; just getting up to go to the hospital was becoming more and more of a chore. He knew there were patients that needed him and that his team needed his help….but hell he needed THEIR help now more than ever. He could see the concern on Cameron's face today. She didn't know he was looking at her as he stole a few precious glances her way. So many regrets, he could barely count the number of times he had wanted to tell her the truth about how he felt about her. Damn stubbornness he chided himself. But to be truthful it was really fear that held him back. Fear of rejection, fear of looking like a fool. And this from a man who prided himself on his bravery in the face of insurmountable odds. He didn't feel very brave now. In fact he was terrified. He had some tests run at a different hospital, the same ones that Wilson had demanded he have so he knew that the answer to what was slowly and painfully stealing his life away wasn't to be found on any CT scan or any other type of scan for that matter. No one seemed to know what was wrong, least of all him. Granted he really couldn't be very objective at the moment. What he did know for certainty was that he wasn't getting any better and would only get worse.

Cameron had just gotten out of the shower when she heard a knock at the door. She threw on her robe and walked to it, peering through the peep hole to see who it was. She was surprised to see House standing there, leaning against the door jam. She opened it to let him in but he just stood there, looking at her. Something in his eyes scared her. She tried to put a finger on just what it was then realized that he hadn't made a move to enter her home. He stood suspended there held upright by the wall and stared into her eyes. She always shook inside whenever he caught her eye. The strength of him, his intensity and the deep well of passion that just smoldered underneath the surface shone through those azure blue eyes of his and took her breath away every time. This time however there was something new, an added dimension had been added to the multi-faceted prism that was Dr. Gregory House. And she wasn't quite sure that she liked it. He pushed himself with effort off of the wall and reached a hand out to her. Instinctively she grabbed it and, putting an arm around his waist she helped him inside His arm came around her and he held her around the shoulders for support. How long had she waited to be this close to him she couldn't tell. She could feel the tension in him and could tell that he was not happy to have her helping him this way. The last thing he wanted anyone to see was his weakness. But he had no choice, he couldn't do it without her. Together they maneuvered him over to her couch and she helped him sit down. He threw his cane to the floor and leaned back. Once again he raised his eyes to meet hers and she understood what that other element in his gaze was. It was resignation. Cameron waited for him to speak, to break the spell he had put over her.

"I'm think I am dying" he said, so simply that he could have been ordering a drink.

"From what? How do you know that you are terminal? There must be some treatment we could try.." she trailed off when he put his finger to her lips.

"I am running out of time."

CONTINUED...


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm think I'm dying" he said, so simply that he could have been ordering a drink.

"From what? How do you know that you are terminal? There must be some treatment we could try.." Cameron trailed off when he put his finger to her lips.

"I am running out of time."

* * *

**Prayer For A Miracle Part 3 The Turn-Around**

"I am running out of time…" House repeated the moment and the phrase to himself from his little spot of nowhere, which they said was really somewhere in the clouds. The whiteness of the place that his soul came to rest totally encircled him and its nothingness felt like a noose around his neck.

**_Doesn't this make you happy Gregory, too be proven right? To know that all along you had the answer to what forever meant?_**

The voice seemed to mock him making him angry. But how do you deal with a supposedly supreme being?

"So this is hell then?" he asked out loud to his invisible and growingly annoying companion. Almost before the question left his lips an answer shot back.

**_No, for you this is heaven._**

House pondered that for a moment, trying to grasp its meaning.

_**All your life you've believed that there is nothing after you die. And all your life you have pushed people away in an effort to be alone. Hell for you would have been pearly gates, overwhelming joy and long lost friends here to greet you. If that is what you had found it would have meant that you were wrong and you couldn't bear that, could you? That would have been hell.**_

_**Gregory, this is all you have ever dreamed of and the best you could hope for. Aren't you taking pleasure in your faultless reasoning?**_

"Son of a bitch" he yelled back then stopped and smiled….

"Your logic is flawed" he grinned. 'I gotcha' he thought to himself

"You told me I was 'somewhere', that this is not 'nowhere', correct?" he called out, a bit braver now.

_**Correct**_

"Then this is not what I envisioned. I didn't think there was anything after you die but all around me I can see the color white. I am having this conversation. I am holding my cane." House reveled in his astute observation, "So technically speaking I was wrong because there is obviously more to death than just dying."

_**Life is full of lessons, some you learn some you don't. How could we have taught you that you were right unless we were here to prove it to you?**_

House put his head in his hands. He was getting a headache and didn't want to chat with this….whatever it was anymore. Life was a paradox and, as it turned out so was death. His scientific mind wanted to comprehend it all but it couldn't. Death, it seems was beyond comprehension.

_**So now that we have that cleared up what's say we go over a few things; ground rules so to speak?**_

The voice around him was becoming more authoritative. He didn't want to hear anymore. He just wanted to sleep, or at least to just sit there and not think for awhile.

_**Sorry, not getting off so easy. We might have a job for you. You have come to the head of the unemployment line and your number's up Gregory.**_

House balled himself up, hugging his knees to his chest, his cane tossed to one side. After all what good would his cane do him now? Even the feel of it, the smooth solid wood was a joke…just another riddle that he didn't have the energy to solve.

_**You know what killed you Gregory. You knew it but couldn't convey it to anyone because of your infirmity. And knowing what killed you should also tell you that the diseases' onslaught won't stop with you.**_

House felt a spark inside of him. A memory came rushing back. He DID know what killed him. Something that they all had missed; something so simple and yet rare that no one even considered it.

_**Your friends are at risk Gregory. One by one they will die the same monstrous way you did unless…..**_

The voice trailed off leaving nothing but dead air in its wake.

"UNLESS WHAT?" House was on his feet now. "Don't stop there you bastard, finish it…unless WHAT?!

_**Unless you help them solve the riddle.**_

House was nearly bursting with insight. He COULD help them, he knew he could. All he had to do was point them in the right direction and let them go from there. They were smart; he taught them well.

_**Cameron would be the next to succumb**_

"Allison? No, not that…not her." He began to pace, deep in thought. Suddenly he stopped in his tracks.

"If Alli…Cameron died would that mean she would be here with me?"

No answer. Nothing. And yet the air was charged with what seemed like electricity. He had to decide what to do and he had to make it quick. A sudden cold wind washed over his body bringing with it a sense of urgency. He had to decide and he had to decide NOW.

_**You know what took your life Greg. Do you want to put that knowledge to use or not?**_

Allison…..him…..together for an eternity. How much time has already passed? Could they already be coming down with symptoms? How close to death was she? He had to at least see for himself.

"If you are asking me whether I want to go back, the answer is yes." He left it open-ended. He didn't commit himself….at least not yet.

_**Then you shall have what you want**_

The wind picked up and seemed to blow right through his very soul. His body felt like a spark of light, at first small then ignited into a burning flame. He felt pain for the first time since his death and for just one mere second, just the blink of an eye he wondered if he was making the right choice. The pain grew to the point where he almost cried out to make it stop…almost enough to change his mind. But his stubbornness was his ally and his longing to seer Cameron was his strength. He endeared it until he felt like he would turn to ashes right there on the spot. Then suddenly he heard what could only be described as a 'whoooosh' sound in his ears and an overpowering pulling inward of his being.

And then, just as suddenly as it had began it ended. He opened his eyes to see Cameron standing on a cliff by the ocean, falling to her knees. In that moment he knew that he would have to make the hardest decision of his life….and his death.

**TO BE CONTINUED….**.


	4. Chapter 4

"This flood (this flood) is slowly rising up swallowing the ground  
Beneath my feet, Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition so  
I'll swim (I'll swim) as the water rises up, the sun is sinking down  
And now all I can see are the planets in a row  
Suggesting it's best that I slow down  
This night's a perfect shade of

Dark blue (dark blue)  
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you  
I said the world could be burning (burning) down  
Dark blue (dark blue)  
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you  
I said the world could be burning dark blue"

Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin (on a side note the lead singer/songwriter who is in his early 20's is in remission from cancer and put out a video for the song in which Jennifer Morrison appears. See YouTube for more)

**PRAYER FOR A MIRACLE PT. 4 The Leap of Faith**

And then, just as suddenly as it had began it ended. He opened his eyes to see Cameron standing on a cliff by the ocean, falling to her knees. In that moment he knew that he would have to make the hardest decision of his life….and his death.

He leaned his weight on his cane and stood facing the ocean. He could see her, really see her maybe for the first time in his existence kneeling on the rocks of the cliff. She didn't move, didn't give any indication that she knew he was there. Of course she couldn't see him; there wasn't really any 'him' to see. He suddenly knew what hell felt like.

He was surprised when he found that he could hear her thoughts. His lips moved with her words; he knew the story she was reminiscing about. Knew it intimately. He sat near her and listened.

* * *

The touch of his finger to her lips, even under such dire circumstances was electrifying. The air around them seemed charged with so many unspoken words in a language that neither of them really understood. Cameron sat there unmoving; the only outward sign of her inward turmoil was the rabid blinking of her eyes. She held back her shocked tears as best as she could, for her own sake as well as his. She understood that for him to come to her like this, to trust her with this knowledge was not an easy thing for him to do. So she waited. 

"I will need someone to replace me……" he trailed off, looking away for a moment, his thoughts flying in so many directions at once that it was hard to organize them all.

He turned his eyes back toward her, "and I want that someone to be you."

"But I can't….I could never replace you! I don't have even half your knowledge or a quarter of your insight," she shot back, "and stop talking like you are going somewhere. Since when do you give up so easy!?"

"Do you think for one goddamned minute that I haven't tried to figure this whole mess out?" he began to raise his voice, "I've had every test you could imagine and even some you couldn't. I've wracked my slowly disintegrating brain over and over to try to come up with the answer but I can't figure it out. And if I can't put my finger on the cause of my illness then you, Chase, Foreman or even Wilson or Cuddy won't be able to either."

He rested his head against the back of the couch and looked up at the ceiling.

"So I need someone to head the team in my absence. So do you want the job or not?" he rubbed his eyes with his hands. "Good benefits, great parking space. You get to use the marker and the white board."

She sat there dumbfounded. He was making jokes. The bastard was gravely ill and still felt the need to be sarcastic.

"And what if I say no?" she wasn't going to let him give up that easy, "what if I turn you down?"

"You won't" he managed a small smile, "I can tell by the sound of your voice that you wouldn't turn me down. Because if you turned me down you would be letting me down and I know that you would never do that."

Was she that transparent? Or was his insight into her something more. Before she could even throw together a response he reached over and took her hand.

"I need you to do this Cameron. Remember the last time I came to your door? I needed you to come back to work because not only are the brilliant but you have an empathy that the others lack. I need you to do this last favor for me. I need to know that when I am gone someone with half a brain will be stepping into my shoes."

He held her transfixed both by his words and by his grip on her hand. She knew it was hopeless to argue. Though the idea frightened her she knew he was right. She would do this for him and for the team.

"One more thing….."

She waited breathless for next request. She didn't know how much more she could take tonight. Her mind wanted to run away and forget this was happening but her heart and the physical grip he had on her kept her in place.

"When the time comes," he hesitated knowing that this was going to be tough. He cleared his throat, softened his voice and rephrased, "when it becomes apparent that I only have a few days left I want you to promise me two things."

'No, don't ask me. Please House don't.' she thought to herself

"One: that you will not try to keep me alive. I want a DNR order on my chart in big bold letters and I expect you to enforce it."

"But House…." She tried to interject but he continued,

"And two: I don't want any pain meds."

"You can't be serious?" she was truly taken aback.

"Look people have natural childbirth right? Well I want a natural death. I want to meet it with my eyes wide open and my mind as clear as it can be"

He had thought about this for quite some time; what would he do if he knew he was dying. It didn't take all that long to come to this decision. His scientific mind wanted to take in everything there was to know about the experience of death. He had watched so many people die and now he had the chance to know what only they knew. Glancing back at her but still lost in thought he watched a single tear roll down her cheek. It caught him off guard and he had a sudden and unexpected urge to wipe it away. At that moment something seemed to shift in the air. Her mouth was quivering with the effort of holding back the deluge that threatened to overwhelm them both. She didn't know what he would do if she broke down. Would he reach out to comfort her or was he expecting her to be ever the professional and rise to the challenge he had set down in front of her. She sat there torn and wounded to the core.

"How can you know if you will be able to go without drugs if you don't even know the progression of the disease you have?" her voice shaky, she said it as much for herself as for him, "You don't know what to expect. You will be treading into un-chartered waters without a life preserver."

Her choice of words almost made him laugh. 'Life preserver'? He only wished.

"And you can't even go a few hours without the Vicodin because of the pain in your leg how do you expect to go through…' she choked on her own words, 'dying without taking something to ease the process?"

She pulled her hand away from him and got to her feet. She began to pace in front of him, her arms wrapped tightly across herself as if she was chilled. And she was just that: chilled from head to toe. He watched her movements; slowly walking in front of him, back and forth. Her auburn hair cascaded across her face hiding her from his view. But she could not hide herself completely. Everytime she crossed in front of the light that stood on the opposite side of the room the glow from the bulb would highlight her silhouette making her almost angelic looking. At that moment he wanted nothing more than to hold her, to comfort her and make her feel better. But the light was starting to play tricks; one minute bright in his eyes and the next blocked by her body. Back and forth, back and forth. A sudden pain gripped his head and the last thought he had before blacking out was 'so this is what a seizure feels like.'

"House? House, can you hear me?" Wilson said as he shown a light into his eyes to check his pupils. House reached up and grabbed it out of his hands

"What are you trying to do, induce another seizure?" House rubbed his temples and looked around him. Somehow he had been moved to Cameron's bed which, if it wasn't for the circumstances would have been quite a pleasant surprise. She stood over him, her face the perfect picture of worry and concern.

"I didn't call an ambulance because I knew that there would be hell to pay, and I of course would have to pay it, if you woke up in the hospital so we just moved you to a more comfortable spot." Was there a hint of playful sarcasm in his voice? House smiled.

"Since when do you make house calls Dr. Wilson?" House raised himself into a sitting position.

"Sorry but he was the first person I thought to call." Cameron said, a bit worried that he would not have approved.

"How long was I out?" he asked to no one in particular.

"About 30 minutes or so" Cameron answered, "looks like it was just a small seizure." But she was obviously still shaken.

"House…." Wilson began to speak but House cut him off

"No." he knew what he was going to say to him. He was going to tell him how he had to be admitted and how they needed to run more tests. "Can we just get past this idea of yours that I have to bend to your iron will? Unless of course you brought the whip and chains." House smiled, stole a glance at Cameron and winked.

"I swear I am going to grab that cane of yours and beat you over the head with it, seizure or no seizure." Wilson shook his head and gave Cameron a look of exasperation. "Maybe you can talk some sense into him."

"I don't want to see you at the hospital tomorrow unless you are there to check yourself in. Do you understand me?" Wilson said as he rose to leave.

"Uh oh, big tough doctor is threatening me now. Hey, how do I know that I wasn't taken advantage of while I was off in la-la land?" he proceeded to examine himself.

"Even as a dying man you are still a pain in the ass." Cameron winced at Wilson's bluntness.

"See you tomorrow Cameron, I'll let myself out" he turned away and headed towards the door. They both heard the door shut and then became enveloped in silence. His favorite comedic foil had left and now there was nothing left in the void except his own fear. And Cameron.

She looked down at him sitting there and there was something in his eyes that was impossible to read. He was like an animal caught in the cage of his own body and he desperately wanted out.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she tilted her head to follow his eyes as he looked away. No she corrected herself, as he wasn't merely looking away. He was running away. She decided to give him some space and turned to leave the room.

"Where are you going?" he asked. Fun time went out the door with Wilson and now all that was left was the dark reality of his situation.

She turned back to him, "I am going to get some sheets and a pillow and get some sleep on the couch. You can sleep here." He looked away again and she took that as his dismissal of her. She began to walk into the other room.

"Alllison." he whispered, rolling the sound of her name around his tongue like he would a fine piece of chocolate. He liked the taste of it.

She stopped in her tracks, her breath caught in a silent gasp.

"Allison" he repeated, enjoying the simple act of saying it.

It was as if a magnet locked her in place and would not let her move. Her heart was pounding in her ears and beginning to race so fast that she feared it would either stop or break in two. She was so afraid to face him and yet afraid not to face him.

"Don't leave. Please, I…" he trailed off then continued, "….I don't want to be alone. Would you stay with me tonight?"

He said it with complete innocence. The armor of his false bravado was falling away leaving him open and vulnerable. She was the only one he could trust this part of himself with. He knew that instinctively.

She turned around then. Turned her heart towards him as well. Suddenly he didn't look like the strong and capable man she had known. This was such a revelation to her. He was a little boy sitting there, a tiny soul that needed a strong shoulder to lean on. How could she refuse him this simple act of comfort? Just like earlier when he asked her for almost more than she could bear she knew she could never say no to him. So she fixed her gaze with his, stared into his eyes as indescribably blue as an autumn sky and took her first step towards her destiny.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	5. Chapter 5

"Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,

My grubby halo, a vapor trail in the empty air,

Across the clouds I see my shadow fly

Out of the corner of my watering eye

A dream unthreatened by the morning light

Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night

There's no sensation to compare with this

Suspended animation, A state of bliss

Can't keep my mind from the circling skies

Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I "

"Learning To Fly" Pink Floyd

* * *

**PRAYER FOR A MIRACLE Learning to Fly**

On her knees on the cliff in front of him he watched as she rocked back and forth like a child. For the first time he noticed that she was holding what appeared to be a large silver pitcher; 'no, not a pitcher...an urn!' he gasped in realization. Then he remembered that he had left her with the solemn task of disposing of his ashes. "House damn you, why?!" Cameron sobbed and cried out in both grief and anger. 'Why indeed' he thought to himself. What was he thinking giving her this task. He should have had Wilson do it or even Chase but not her. She opened the jar and dipped her fingers into his remains. A tingle went through him, it was as if he could feel her touch. The breeze picked up and began taking bits of him away in different directions. With one last loud cry she turned the recepticle over and watched helplessly as all that was left of her boss was taken to the heavens. House could feel the wind swirling inside of him; he WAS the wind now. At least for a brief moment anyway. What a wonderful feeling!

"I am here Allison," he cried out in his mind with a force he never knew he possessed. For just one split second she seemed to stop as if listening to him, as if she could feel his presence. She reached a hand up and he felt her fingers graze his cheek with what must have been sheer luck (or was it?) He could feel her fingers! He marveled at the fact that he could feel her as he reached out his own hand to touch her as well. He watched as he passed right through her features; her strong jaw and smooth cheeks. Closing his eyes he pretended to be able to feel her soft lips with the ball of his thrumb as it grazed them.

"Allison" just uttering her name was enough to send chills through him.

"Allison," he said in almost a whisper "please stay with me tonight. I'll be a good boy, I promise." He didn't want to be alone tonight, not tonight.

She took each tentative step towards the bed. How could she deny him now and truly, did she really want to? She stood next to the what seemed like an almost impossibly small single bed and watched as he scooted over a bit to give her some space. Flinging back the cover he patted the empty space gently with his hand in an invitation. She hesitated for only a moment before crawling fully clothed into bed with him. "Here," he said stretching out his arm at a right angle to his body, "put your head on my shoulder." "Like his obedient student she did as she was told, laying the palm of her right hand on his chest. His heart was beating wildly, his breathing erratic. But then again, hers was too. He was sweating but shook with chills as he tossed and turned to get comfortable all the while holding on to her.

"Do you want me to get you another blanket?" she asked. A look of panic crossed his face, "No don't leave this spot OK?" He seemed like a little boy but his voice still commanded her like always so she stayed. And then they began talking. They talked about his past, the pain in his leg and in his heart. She told him about her past and her romance with a teacher in med school which made him smile. She bravely asked him if he had ever loved anyone else but Stacey and without hesitation while looking into her eyes he said 'yes.' He didn't have to say anything more than that. He gave more to her that night than she could ever have hoped for; he let her pass through a door that he had kept tightly shut to everyone who ever touched his life. When they finally exhausted all conversation she touched his face gently, every fingertip filled with an all encompassing love. He smiled, lifted her hand from his face and kissed each digit. Then he placed it against his chest and held it there.

"Till the last time it beats it's yours, you know." It was a statement and not a question that he murmured against her lips with his. The kiss was delicate and hungry but the hunger was from a appetite that couldn't be filled. She knew this and understood that this was enough. HIs lips were hot and parched, his tongue testing and probing. She pulled away suddenly, knowing that for both of them this was torturous. Her eyes filled with tears which he kissed away as she cradled her head back onto his shoulder again. Little did they know that they had set in motion a fate that would very literally come back to haunt them both. But, for now at least they relaxed. This time they could sleep.

The sun was just beginning to appear over the tops of the NYC skyline when she awoke with a start. Something was wrong. She sensed it deep inside of her. At first she was disoriented but then remembered last night and the reason for her what should have been awkward position. His shoulder was cold, for that matter so was the rest of him. Then she understood what was bothering her: his heart had stopped. Her hand that had laid over him all night could feel nothing moving beneath it. Now she understood why he needed her to stay. Now she realized their first kiss was his kiss goodbye.

"House!", she found her voice and began shaking him as she kept repeating his name. Then her training kicked in and she leaped for the phone, dialing 911. Screw his wish for a DNR (do not resuscitate) order. "2756 Hudson St." she gasped, "I need an ambulance NOW." Leaving the phone off the hook she moved back over House and began CPR. "Come on...come on..." she found herself saying out loud as she began compressions to his heart. Alternating between pressing all her weight into his chest and filling his lungs with her breath was exhausting her but she knew she couldn't stop. Somewhere in the back of her mind she couldn't help but wonder why she was doing this; why should she try to bring him back from a fate that he would be doomed to repeat all too soon. But her instincts and deep need for him kept her going. Putting her waif like fingers against his neck she thought that she felt the faint flickering of life within him so she continued. What was only about 10 minutes seemed to drag on for hours before the EMT's burst into the room and took over. "He's so cold..." she murmured to herself as the tech's strapped leads onto him. "CLEAR!" She saw his chest rise violently with the shock they administered. He seemed reluctant to return from wherever it was that he disappeared to though because they had to repeat the procedure more than once. Then suddenly his heart began to beat again, although it's tempo was eratic. She lay her head on his chest and could hear it's fragile thumps. And as the paramedics whisked him away she knew it wouldn't be long before her own heart would be breaking...again.

He lay in the hospital bed disoriented and scared. All he could remember was feeling Cameron's breath on his shoulder and then boom...he was here. They told him his heart had stopped and that they had to resuscitate him more than once. If that was true then why didn't he see any 'white light' or long gone friends and family while he was 'away'? Isn't that what was supposed to happen? Did this mean that he was right all along and there really was nothing beyond this existence at all? His eyes scanned the room, noting the heart monitor which revealed way too few peaks and valleys for a normal heart. The next thing he noticed, and all too painfully was that he couldn't breathe very well. His lungs felt like they were filled with lead and it took way too much effort to make them work. 'I'm suffocating' he thought to himself as a huge wave of sheer panic gripped him by the throat. Where was everyone? He made a mental effort to reach for the button that would summon the nurse but found that his muscles wouldn't cooperate. He was paralyzed. His body was now truly a shell and not a very good one either. He tried to yell out but there was only the faintest whistle of air that escaped from him. 'I don't want to die alone' was the prevailing thought in the midst of the terror, "someone...please...be here...'

Cameron sat exhausted in a chair outside of his room, trying to catch her own breath. The makeup that she so carefully applied that morning ran in streaks down her face but she didn't care. She made no attempt to wipe away the remants of the night before. She touched her lips with her fingers. His lips had been there, been against hers. The thought should have brought a smile to her face but it was a bittersweet memory. To think that she will never know the depth of his passion or that he will never know her's. She longed to feel his hands and his mouth on her, his body moving against hers and filling her with fire. 'Stop it' she told herself, ''this is a dying man you are fantasizing about!'" But he was more than that to her now, much more. 'You ok Cameron?' a familiar voice broke through her thoughts. It was Dr. Wilson. She looked up at him and thought she saw a hint of redness in his eyes. Had he been crying too? "I don't know" she said earnestly, "I really don't know. And you?" She felt a kinship with him, they both shared the same emptiness. "Been better." he answered too quickly. He couldn't hide the depth of his despair either. He sighed and just shook his head. "I wish he had come to me sooner with this," he said, almost to himself, "maybe I could have done something more..." Cameron stood up and clasped his hands in hers, "there was nothing you or anyone else could have done to stop this. Inside you know this." she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him gently. He held her back, both of them wanting to break down but neither of them willing to let it show. "How long has it been since you've eaten?" he asked her, now holding her at arms length. "Food? What's that?" her attempt at lightening the mood failed miserably. She didn't want food or anything else for that matter. All she really wanted was to go back to last night. To be able to repeat it over and over again so that it would never end up as just a memory. That was what she longed for. Would give anything for. "Why don't we take a break and go to the cafeteria?" he put one arm around her shoulder interrupting her train of thought and began to lead her down the hall and away from House's room. They got to the end of the corridor when suddenly she froze. She stopped so fast that it almost threw Wilson off balance. Cameron felt an uneasiness that she couldn't explain. Suddenly her heart began to race and her breath quickened. What a time for a panic attack, she thought to herself. But no, this was more than that. As determined as Wilson was to take her in one direction the pull in the other was greater. "I need to check on him first..." she turned back toward his room down the hall and began to walk slowly, then her pace quickened until she was almost running. "Ok, ok" Wilson followed behind, keeping up the pace. Reaching the door she glanced through the glass at his still body in the room. "Wilson..." she whispered to him under her breath as he flew past her and through the door. Crossing over the threshold she found herself next to him, peering into his desperate eyes. His hands were clenched tightly, his lips and fingers were blue from lack of oxygen. She sensed more than saw the room fill with others, her comrades and coworkers gathering around him. Reaching for his hand she tried to open his fist but it was useless, his fingers dug into his palm with an ever increasing pressure. His chest rose and then fell so slowly that she didn't know if he would manage to take another breath Death was claiming his body inch but painfully slow inch. She saw the respirator next to the bed and began to reach for it but then stopped. She looked into his eyes instead. His gaze held her in place, it never wavered. 'He' was still in there, locked in a tomb of flesh. She could see so much in his eyes. It was as if he was speaking to her, laying everything that he was and wanted in front of her. And in that instant, as they spoke to each other without words she understood it all. To save him was to let him go, to set him free. She was to be his silent witness and partner on this final journey, seeing him just far enough to the edge before he spread his wings to fly

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	6. Chapter 6

**"Oh I feel it, comin' back again  
Like a rollin', thunder chasing the wind  
Forces pullin' from the center of the earth again  
I can feel it." **

**"Lighting Crashes" Live**

* * *

She saw the respirator next to the bed and began to reach for it but then stopped. She looked into his eyes instead. His gaze held her in place, it never wavered. 'He' was still in there, locked in a tomb of flesh. She could see so much in his eyes. It was as if he was speaking to her, laying everything that he was and wanted in front of her. And in that instant, as they spoke to each other without words she understood it all. To save him was to let him go, to set him free. She was to be his silent witness and partner on this final journey, seeing him just far enough to the edge before he spread his wings to fly.

**PRAYER FOR A MIRACLE Pt 6 Living Hell (The Requiem Interlude)**

He lay there absolutely motionless except for the sporadic filling of his lungs and rising of his chest. There were some things in life that you just couldn't change, with death falling on the top of the list. He didn't want to die but he knew that his number was up, that his time had come. He was glad that she had ignored his DNR the first time; now he could complete the circle with everyone around him. Dying in his sleep just wasn't House's style. As his eyes locked on her's and even as the pain became white hot inside of him he focused on one thought and one thought only: here is where the bright light of the afterlife begins. It is not some dark tunnel into which you are thrown only to break free to the other side. It is getting lost in the depth of the eyes of someone you care about. So lost that you don't want to find your way back. He watched her face intently. And refused to blink.

Cameron put the palm of her hand on his chest and held it there. She knew he needed the contact and only wished that there was more she could do. He was in such pain. His suffering was unimaginable to her and to everyone that stood around him. If he had only let her she would have given him an megadose of pain meds but he specifically told her no, not that way. 'I want to go out with my mind intact and my eyes wide open' he had told her, 'natural childbirth, natural death.' Anyone else she would have thought a fool but this was House and if there was one thing he wasn't it was a fool. She felt the tears come again, running down her face like rain. But she didn't let them cloud her vision. She wanted to turn away from him and run. But she knew that deep down his image would follow her no matter where she ran to. She also knew that this day and this man would haunt her for the rest of her life.

Inside what was left of him the battle continued. His mind fought for supremecy over his body but was slipping slowly into a dark abyss. Like a man caught in a riptide he struggled to swim against the current instead of going with it. "Do not go gently into that good nite, rage against the dying of the light." was a phrase that kept repeating like a mantra inside his head. He could feel his heart thudding almost painfully inside his chest as it struggled to keep up with life's demands. It faltered, skipped and hesitated like a watch whose battery was nearing its end. He wanted to command it, to keep ownership over it but couldn't. "No control" he thought to himself. He had never felt so out of control in his life. Cameron's eyes were steady and piercing, "don't let go...don't let go" every muscle in her face begged.

He felt her palm on his chest and her hand on his.

Felt an ever increasing tightness across his ribs.

('no please, no please')

The sound of nails scraping a blackboard filled his ears

He opened his mouth to gasp in a breath but there was nothing to breathe

("so sorry Allison, I want to tell you...")

It was as if everyone else in the room had filled their own lungs with the remaining oxygen and there was no more to go around.

("not yet, I'm not ready yet!")

Somewhere, in the last threads of thought he had before they became unwraveled a sudden realization hit him.

("...I know what it is...I KNOW WHAT IS WRONG!...")

His murderer did have a name but he couldn't utter it.

Unable to compete with death anymore his heart jerked to a stop, like a horse pulling up fast.

The tightness turned into an implosion. Every orgran in his body seemed to pull in on itself. The pressure of the world around him was pushing in and crushing him.

("too much, no more, enough...")

House looked deep into Cameron's eyes, looked deep into her soul until all he was blew apart and tore through her.

("I can feel you Allison...all of you...")

A million tiny pieces, a billion particles of who he was split into a zillion more, dividing and dividing over and over.

He wanted to hold onto something inside of her. Needed to steady himself so that he would never leave this spot.

But there was too much of him to try to control. He was being spread out too thin. The force that brought him that far was still surging behind him. He couldn't stop the wave any longer.

And with that House gave up swimming for the shore and let himself be dragged into the darkness of the abyss.

Cameron felt the storm approaching. It was like a bolt of lighting had shot through her, leaving her waiting for the thunder she knew would follow. House's eye's, the eye's she secretly adored became dark. The light inside of them disappeared suddenly and his lids closed. Time, everything stood completely still. She remembered crying out his name. The heart moniter let out a whine of protest that became the only sound in the room. He had flat-linned. He had stopped breathing. He was gone. For a moment no one moved. They all wanted to do something, felt the responsibility to try to bring him back again. But back to what? As much as they all wanted to, in fact needed to, they let him go. To bring him back would be only for their own sake's and not for his.

* * *

She stood before him with the wind blowing her lovely brown hair in across her face, his finger still poised against her lips. He opened his eyes. He didn't want to remember anymore. What a senseless death. 'How bllind I was' he berated himself, lowering his head, "how could I have been so stupid?" He sighed and looked back up at her face. Could she feel him? He imagined what her lips would feel like, tried to take the mental image in front of him and turn it into reality. But it was no good. Nothing seemed any good anymore. A light drizzle began and her hair became matted to her beautiful face. He watched her raise her hand to brush it back and noticed, with a sense of horror and urgency the tremor in her hand as it was raised. 'No' the word echoed inside of him. The thing that took his life had turned its fury elsewhere. It was a hungry beast that now threatened the very thing House cherished the most.

'It's started already...' he found himself saying outloud to no one, 'and I might be too late.'

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


End file.
